Wednesday, 21 March 2007
I was talking to a colleague of mine who was saying that kids can’t play conkers without goggles or a visor covering their faces! I’m sorry……did I miss something? Since when did conkers become dangerous weapons! That’s why we didn’t find anything when we invaded Iraq they were looking for missiles not a load of squirrels in the trees hiding conkers!! On ‘This Morning’, a regular on this blog, recently they had a piece about a school banning skipping ropes, so a child couldn’t commit suicide! They would only want to commit suicide if they had nothing to do and had nothing to live for! What’s happening when a kid can’t use a skipping rope! Also, I hear that kids don’t do cooking at school anymore! What are the women going to do when they leave?! ONLY JOKING!!
Some of the schools even banned the children from playing out in the snow recently. Now that’s part of growing up and with global warming messing up our snowy winters these kids may not get the winters we used to. You’ve got to throw a few snowballs!! They can’t even go on skiing trips to see snow as the teachers won’t take them due to the worry of being sued if they broke a toe-nail or skied in to a moose, which is a usual occurrence on ski trips!
So no more British bulldog, no more football, no more conkers! Kids will lose their drive, ambition and competitiveness which everyone needs to succeed in life. I hate to say it, but it’s true and I know I always come back to it, but………that’s why kids are getting obese! Not only are they being fed anything they want, they never move from their playstations (not that I can talk) or computers. They’re turning in to non-driven, spoilt, non-socialising drones and our future economy will suffer. People with better attitudes and more commitment and ambition will simply walk over us as the remainder of our population sit around not being bothered what happens! In the future they’ll sit there with their Start Trek style food replicators ordering vast amounts of pizzas and hog roasts. People won’t be able to leave the house to get a job or even compete in the global market-place turning the once Great Britain, captains of industry and innovations in to Lame Britain, somewhere you can put fat people who have to wash themselves with a rag on a stick and get Jerry Springer to cut the sides off their house to get them out to crane them on to a pick-up truck and take them for all you can eat at Billy Bob’s Slop House!!
So once again my blog has ended with a similar ending, but the beginning, if continued, will I’m afraid in the bleak picture I have painted. I say lets have a bit of old fashioned thinking and let kids be kids otherwise they’ll end up wet, weak push-overs who’ll never achieve what they possibly could.
Friday, 16 March 2007
I remember seeing a programme about a family who just lived off benefits. Why you may ask? Well I will tell you why, they make £70,000 a year from benefits and they don’t want or need to work! UNBELEIVABLE! Benefits should be for people who want to work, but need some extra help or that can’t work due to a valid reason surely not because they just want to keep up to date with the latest kappa shell suits in JJB sports! She admitted that she wanted to have more kids purely to get more benefits from the government! They live in a big house with……wait for it…….a lovely new LCD TV and what do BOTH of the parents do for a living…….NOTHING! The whole family is supported by you and me, the tax-payers (unless there’s any students reading this and if you are HURRY UP AND GET A JOB), rather than supporting themselves. If that’s not bad enough they were actually complaining that they don’t get enough ‘to support their family’! GET A JOB THEN! What debt do we owe to them! NOTHING! They’re leaches on an already strained society! How can millions of families across the UK survive, by doing an honest days work, getting a wage, paying their way when people like that who know they can get away with it sit their in their newly paid leather sofa from DFS with massaging options and built in fridge and just moan! This fuels my opinion to have to get a license to have children! You have to get one to drive, have a dog, fish, so why don’t you need one for the most important impact you can have on the world! There should be a questionnaire like, question 1: do you say baby (pronounced bab then an e)? If so, one point against. Question 2: have you ever called in to a helpline on ‘This Morning’ to get advise on your life? If so, again another point against. Question 3: when having a child would you consider the name Crystal as not only it’s an expensive gem it’s also a champagne? Sorry another point against! Just suggested questions, I’m sure there’s more. Like do you own his and hers tracksuits? Whoops another point against!
Another thing, how are people that are on benefits so fat?! Benefits should provide just enough food to survive to make people get a job, unless they are genuine and cannot work for a valid reason. If they’re lazy, and you can tell, then don’t give them so much. Also, not only are they fat, but they wear leggings! Do they look in the mirror with their greasy hair tied back, superdrug make-up on, lambert and butler fag hanging out of their mouth, velour tracksuit top and LEGGINGS on and think oh yes, yes this is how I want the world to see me! What happens in these peoples heads? I’ll tell you what, nothing! If you looked inside their heads you’d see a cartoon bloodhound lying against a tree, playing a banjo and the soundtrack to rhubarb and custard!
What’s worse is that they don’t have any shame in dragging their gigantic derrières out to collect benefits, then round topshop etc, then to the newsagent to buy lambert and butlers, then to asda to buy anything with fat in to then go home, create a bonfire in the back garden with some tyres and petrol siphoned out of a neighbours car to cook some half price sausages on and invite all their pikey friends round while polluting the atmosphere!
So to conclude today’s blog, to all the people that claim benefits legitimately I support you and sleep happier knowing that you’re having a better life than you would have without this financial help. To the rest you deserve to earn your money by maybe being put on some sort of entertaining chav game show. Running Man springs in to mind if not maybe one of those painful Japanese shows were they get scorpions down their pants or get encased in a block of ice for a week and if you survive you win a stapler!
I hope you enjoyed my third instalment. Thank you to everyone who has commented or emailed me with your support and great ideas on rants. I’m going to aim to get through every suggestion you want me to talk about. Again thank you and I’ll have a new one tomorrow. GOOD BYE!!!!
Wednesday, 14 March 2007
Anyway it came to me like a wasp which hunts you down just as you settle on your sun-lounger on your first day of your holiday when you’ve just bought a large, colourful, sugary cocktail that it cant resist landing on which scares you, you drop your drink all over one of only a few t-shirts you packed for your two week holiday, ruining it as the last thing you want to do is washing on your holiday, so you have to buy a multicoloured t-shirt with TENERIFE on it and a large, slightly smirking parrot which knows this t-shirt is rubbish! That’s not the topic, but now I’ve lived through that I’m even angrier about today’s gripe which is compensation for NOTHING! Now I’m all for compensation to people how deserve for example a drunk driver knocking someone over or Stevie Wonder driving a bull-dozer and flattens some of your roses on your front lawn. I’m talking about compensation for stupidity. Now I used to be a holiday rep like some of you reading this blog (live the dream!), so I know a bit about people trying to scam companies out of money. The classic I would get is someone coming to see me saying ‘my room is not fit to live in’. I love it when people say that! My retort would be ‘really? Please tell me what is exactly wrong’ and they would immediately burst in to this plethora of problems. ‘The floors are filthy, the paint is peeling off the walls, ants and cockroaches roam around in herds smoking cigarettes, the mattresses are filled with chicken bones, the bathroom is the entrance to hell and the heads of a 1000 sheep are in the wardrobe!’ Some of that is slightly exaggerated, but you get the idea. So I would apologise and say ‘I can’t see how that has happened,’ then the bit they didn’t think you’d do, ‘let me come with you to your room and inspect the problem.’ Then they back out because they know there’s not really all those problems in their room! ‘Well can’t you just give me a report for it,’ they ask to which I smugly reply, ‘no’. Either way I make sure I inspect the room. Now you watch them slowly shrinking up in to a ball as we walk up to their room as they realise they can’t go on watchdog and get a free holiday! Upon entering the room the words they dread, ‘can you show me the problem areas please,’ ‘well there’s some dirt on the underside of the balcony railings outside in the bottom left corner,’ they squirm. ‘Right’ I reply pretending to write something. After finding this dirt with the help of the hubble telescope and a stray paperclip in the lounge, I give them the report they want along with their withered dreams of 2 weeks all inclusive in the Dominion Republic! I leave with a smile and the warming satisfaction that another con artist is put in his place and will be warbling badly to angel by Robbie Williams later tonight in the hotel bar when the karaoke starts.
Doing simple research for today’s blog I type in compensation in to yahoo and searched for just UK results and what do I find…..6,770,000 results! WOW! Loads of companies promising no win no fee claims. I must reiterate that I agree for compensation for when it’s needed, but in today’s society it’s sadly not always warranted. You may have seen that guy on TV that looks like a walrus who says that they’ll do this no win no fee battle for you. One of the examples is a guy who was given the wrong ladder for a job which he fell off grazing his right index finger or something. The main point to flag up is I’m guessing he is experienced at his job and is capable of thought, so if he knew it was the wrong ladder DON’T USE IT MUPPET! I guarantee that the money wasn’t used to ‘help his injuries’ or ‘the cost of treatment’ i.e. a band-aid but, used to buy a car, holiday, 42” LCD TV and monkey butler to serve drinks in his new mansion in the Hertfordshire countryside!
The other advert that I often see is were some OBESE woman (lets not start on that again), who clearly wants a couple of years off work, slip over on some liquid aka her strawberry milkshake with extra fat added or a carton of gravy which she enjoys to sip between snacks! Anyway because of her own stupidity and lack of vision she slips on this liquid, which I'm in no doubt she put there, and hurts her knee. Hurt her knee nothing else, so she deserves £50,000 or something which instead of buying treatment which she doesn't need for her knee or treatment she does need on her brain and more importantly her stomach, she'll buy an all inclusive holiday for her and all her massive mates at bingo!So that’s my thoughts on undeserved compensation payments. I hope you enjoyed it and thank you for the comments so far. Keep them coming and if you would like to give me a topic to comment on please suggest some to me and I’ll give you another insight to the mind of a ‘possible’ mad man. Thank you.
I saw another report about a woman who said she was 'being left to die' because she had been taken out of a PRIVATE clinic costing £5000 per WEEK after 6 MONTHS paid for by the NHS aka us the taxpayers! I refuse to pay my taxes so someone who LOVES DE CAKE have 6 months in some 5 star fat camp! If she wanted to eat that much take responsibility for the consquences! If i drink too much i get a hangover i deal with that not get the NHS to pay for me to have a day in a luxary spa in the cotswolds!
I've just typed in obese in yahoo news and what do i see 'Most britons will be obese in 25 years'. What a statement! It goes on to say 'Britain could even overtake the US where an estimated one third of the population is obese, to become the fattest nation on earth.' Please people! Then it says 'British women are already the fattest in Europe, with 23 per cent clinically obese. Men fare little better, at 22.3 – behind only Malta.' British women are the fattest in Europe! That's horrific! Malta surprises me in being the fattest nation of men though. No basis for that it just surprised me. We'll have to change this countries name to Great Britarse or something.
In other countries you have to get on by yourself to which i agree. It's amazing that we've lasted for so many millions of years living with no electricity, running water, transportation and effective medicine! Stop moaning that the government doesn't do enough or that you dont receive enough benefits and do something about you're own life!
I feel so much better now. I can get on with my day, but tomorrow i know there will be something else that will steal my beef. Thank you for reading my first of many ramblings of a mad man.